Here I am... Who am I?

I have had several experiences recently where the Spirit of God has spoken in some most unusual ways. A friend recently sent a text message to my husband. She had a dream that gave explicit instructions on how Ben was to anoint and pray for me. It seemed out of no where and the anointing directions were very detailed and seemed… well… weird.

I personally felt compelled to ask the family of a hospice patient if I could anoint and pray in a manner that I would not typically do with my patients and that was not really aligned with the family’s spirituality. After arguing with God in my spirit on why I could simply not do this, I asked. They emphatically agreed and after tears and prayers, thanked me repeatedly. It is really annoying when God is right. When will I learn?

In our enlightened age of intellectualism, Western worldview, and arrogant “know-it-all”ism, we can often ignore, downplay, argue, and not even notice those moments in time with God is speaking and commanding. Let’s be real. Much of the time, we simply aren’t paying attention. We’ve silenced those sacred, mysterious moments with iPads and iTunes and I-know-betters. We end up missing the moments that God is longing to use our voices as the Divine, our lives as obedience.

Yet, if God can speak through a bush to Moses, open the mouth of a donkey, and, I don’t know… raise Jesus from the dead, then why would God not speak through dreams and friends and gut compulsions?

I am so guilty of this. Of second guessing. Of arguing. Of not feeling holy enough.

As I talked with my aunt tonight, Moses came screaming into my mind. Moses and that bush.

Moses. Foreigner. Murderer. Man-on-the-run. Blue collar worker. Outlaw.

Moses. Child of God. Misfit. Curious observer. Reluctant servant.

When we read the Moses vs. Bush story in Exodus 3, we see a man and can note a few things that I think we can relate to.

1. We see a man going about his mundane life. Just a dude at work. Not doing anything super holy.

2. We see a man who is curious. “Hmmm that bush is burning, gotta check it out.”

3. We see a man that doesn’t back away… from a bush… that’s on fire… and talking. (Personally, I would assume I had low blood sugar, was hallucinating, and needed french fries to get that sugar up.)

4. We see a man with a messy life story due to things done TO him and things done BY him. God is still talking to him. That means God can still talk to you.

5. We see a man who responded to God’s beckoning.

6. We see a man who hides his face in God’s presence. Afraid? Overwhelmed? Ashamed? Any and All?

7. We see a man who stays in spite of #6… and keeps listening.

8. We see a man, who earlier said “Here I am!” and who now says “Who am I?” Willing and humble. Ready and trembling. Kinda wanna be obedient. Kinda scared and don’t wanna.

9. We see a man who is not afraid to question God. Not afraid to lift up the “yea… but what if…”. (Important note: God doesn’t dump Moses for that. God engages in the dialogue.)

10. We see a man who asks to have someone else be sent. Kind of like when I was going to have to sleep in a tent in 110 degree humidity to do some mission work and I was certain God meant someone else.

11. We see a man who obeys in this hard stuff that God is asking and ends up living this bigger than life adventure.

Here I am! Who am I?

I’ve lived both of those. I continue to learn that the Here I Am’s always lead to growth, to wisdom, to adventures. Most importantly, to more of God. To a deeper faith life. To rich experiences that could never be replaced by the “but I want to do THIS” things.

God’s ways are not our ways. Dreams from a friend are God’s ways. Inner compulsions to serve in a way that doesn’t intellectually sound reasonable will lead to holy ground, take your shoes off, this is AMAZING experiences. God’s ways lead to our obedience to the Divine plan and not my plan always lead to a faith life that is more than we could ever dream of.

How are you showing God that you’ve raised your hand and are ready for the Here I Am experiences?

How have you experienced 1-11 above?

How have you shrunk back and asked “but who am I…?”

How are you following God’s ways and not your own?

Ponder this story. Read it. Glean a lesson or two for your own journey in the here and now.

OH! AND! Pay attention. Be curious to the weird. Have eyes that see the bushes trying to speak around you and in. I’d love to hear some of your own bush moments.